Changes

I'm not really one for being excited about changes. I have never liked them. I don't like waking up and feeling like today is another day where anything can happen - good or bad. I like structure, routine and planning because I feel like it's safe and controlled and predictable - I know what's coming next. 

I was assigned a new worker again. I don't like how my life is getting passed around constantly by different people. I am a closed and reserved person professionally. I don't like my whole life being plastered around. I don't care how many confidentiality contracts are being signed. If too many people know about me and my issues, then the contracts are a moot point. 

I don't mind blogging because I know that I'm still somewhat anonymous in my own personal thoughts and opinions. 

Anyway.. I don't know what I think about this new worker. I also don't like how she sided with my Uncle D like she knew how he could relate when there is nothing relatable to him. I dislike how he always makes me look like I'm the bad guy for wanting some control over my own adult life.. I also hate how he calls me a disrespectful child when I am trying to prove myself. He accuses me of lying to people, when I have told nothing but the truth. 

Honestly, I think he believes I'm lying because somewhere in his own demented little world, he's the victim and I am the evil witch "out to get him". It's pathetic, really. I have never met anyone so full of his own demons.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, so I'm not going to be stupid and try. I just feel bad that he wasn't and isn't a considerate human being. As soon as my workers are out of my life, he will be too. I don't need any added negativity in my life. It's poisonous and not an example I want to show my son. 

My son deserves more than people like that in his life. 


Update;
The apartment search continues! I have been looking, and looking and looking, including emailing a lot of places that are somewhat within my affordable range. 

No luck. 

Seems the places that I have e-mailed don't e-mail me back, or when they do, they kindly tell me that the place has already been rented. Yeah, like that helps me a lot. But.. at least they're nice about it. 

Looks like in a little over a week, I'll have to move to a shelter. If they will even accept me.. I don't know how many times I've asked to be in a shelter before, while pregnant and in actual danger.. but I wasn't helped. I hate it. The people in my town have no idea what priority is, apparently. 

I guess it's true what they say. For everything, you really do need to know people. 

I guess I don't know the right people. 


... I hope I'm saved from this hell soon.