I posted a note on Facebook today. A note about how good and comfortable I am with my body, and how amazing I feel about myself. It just proves how good I am at faking this.
I get told almost everyday how I'm always happy and it's good to see someone who's always happy.
Did you know that the saddest person tends to smile the most?
The worst part is that I get so messed up inside.. & I look so fucking normal on the outside.
I constantly attempt to make people feel better about themselves because I know what it's like to feel bad about yourself.
I know what it's like to want to die, how it hurts to smile. How you try and fit in, but you can't.
How you hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the thing that's on the inside.
Sometimes it's like things would be so much better if I was just blank..
-.-
ReplyDeleteIt's worse if you're just blank. Then you don't have any reaction or any defense against anything and everything hits you full force.
I now what it's like to want to go to sleep and never wake up. I know what it's like to have to fake that you're okay when you're not because the questions and the fake sympathy are more annoying/infuriating than anything.
I also know what it's like to watch someone go through all of this and not be able to do anything. I watch you suffer and it makes me want to cry because I can't do anything to help. I wish I could help to hold you up...
Don't cry on my account.. please..
ReplyDelete