Academics, Alex? For 500?

Today had me thinking a bit about what I'm doing with my time.
Which got me to what I want to do -right now-
Which then got me thinking about what kind of job or occupation I wanted down the line, or in the near future.

Here's what I got as short results:
1. I'm doing nothing with my time (apart from raising my son) other than housework and mindless facebook games.
2. What I wish I was doing right now, was enrolling in some classes, just so I can feel comfortable in having deadlines and assignments again.
3. I don't know what I 'want to be when I "grow up",' but my aunt F said that if I like writing, I should be a speechmaker for important people. But what if I don't like these people. How am I supposed to write convincing speeches to people I don't like? The answer seems simple enough: Don't write speeches for people you don't like. But what if I have no choice and I need the money? Doesn't seem like honest work to me. I guess most work is far from honest - the worst reality of it all.

I want to be able to write a lot. I want to be able to do a lot more with my life than sitting at home, raising a baby. I want to show people that even though I'm a single mother.. I can be so much more. I want to prove to people that I'm smart and kind and hard-working, even when faced with interesting and slightly troubling situations.

Like, I want to go to college. But before I can do that.. I have to be able to finish my one stupid high school credit. And I can't finish that one stupid high school credit, until I start Family Enrichment again - which starts on September 4th, about 22 days away.

Why can't I do things when I want to do them? Why should I have to wait to be able to accomplish something?

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO NOT WORK OUT THE WAY I WANT IT TO??


...Ahem.
I guess what brought this all on is that a couple of weeks ago, I decided to buy a planner, so I can keep track of appointments, both me and S'. I thought I had a lot of appointments, because before that book, I could never keep track of them all. Now, I feel like there isn't enough appointments. Like, there is way too much time in between that I'm just wasting doing nothing, when I could be doing a lot of things.

What bothers me is that I want to be able to go to school. Bring S to daycare while I try to earn something that brings me closer to a career and a better life for me and my boy.

But what bothers me more is that I'm more motivated to do things when I have no life, when I'm living right out of town where it's nearly impossible to do anything and when I'm way too bored for my own good because I've run out of things to do, to clean and to take care of.

This weekend, while my Aunt J is away, I am acting housemother until she gets back. I don't know what that means. And, I recieved the title under protest - I didn't want her to leave in the first place because that meant my twin uncles would be home and drinking and I'd have to balance 2 adults, 2 dogs and a baby while trying to clean the house. Naturally I did it, and not without complaint (which I solemnly deserved to point out), and I still managed to be bored enough to stay on the computer - S sleeps a lot lately.

-sighs-
I guess that's enough for now. Don't want to bore you. God knows I'm boring myself.