Hello few followers, 

So much has changed since I have blogged last. And there were times that I decided to 'blog' without internet so my last few posts were just random rambles about whatever I was thinking on those dates. It's kind of what it's like when I write in here. Just random posts, pictures, quotes and all other miscellaneous things I decide to put in here. My blog has been a diary for the most part. But, since I can't find a single soul to listen to me in the real world, I might as well go ahead and let all of Internetlandville read what I've got to say. 

Sure, most of the time I'm writing anonymous posts about me ranting on about something I don't like; whether it be about myself, my town or my situation, and most of the time it's probably not all that interesting, but I don't really care. This gives me an outlet to vent, and although I find myself not a teenager anymore, I still got a little bit of angst left inside. 

Right now I am trying to figure out what about my life that has been eventful so far. But, unfortunately, I can sum it all up into a few key points. 

• Lost my job
• Went back to school
• Started a fling with someone
• Continued going to school
• Lost that fling with someone
• Realized I actually cared for that someone
• Started doing nothing but sleep a lot and go to school
• Got behind on my assignments
• Now, just sitting here typing all this up, distracted while trying to summon up the energy to even bother doing my assignments....

That basically sums it all up. I got selfish and foolish and didn't use my head and got hurt. Again. I don't understand why I let myself get hurt. Is it for the thrill of it all? I don't know. Also, by losing my job I also lost my source of income so I'm kinda screwed on rent money too. Oh, and since these last posts I have moved twice. I'm hoping this time that this place is more permanent, but I'm also hoping that I can get some income. Geez! 

Well, I better get started on my assignments before I lose all energy and procrastinate for yet another day. 

Until we see each other again, Southpaw Gypsy. 

July 11, 2011

Dear Journal,
I'm sitting atop my bed thinking about my options over the next couple of days before I get paid again. One option is that I'm going to have to get my phone, whether I like it or not. The longer I wait, the longer the 3 years it's going to take to get out of the contract. Work is going surprisingly well considering the circumstances in which the job of sales and telemarketing actually entails. My english is also improving. Which I am very excited about as well. On monday, I want to be able to go up to the college, or at least call and figure out what my options are in regards to taking my Mature Students Test, just because I'm really tired of taking the same course over and over and over again and not being able to get past the halfway point before I end up having to drop it because it doesn't fit nicely in my work schedule. At work, I got in trouble a few times because there were times in which I had to call in to work because I just wasn't feeling up to it, or feeling well for that matter, at which point, if I had the internet, I would have been able to log on the school website that I use and finish some assignments in time to actually graduate. But I guess that's not happening anytime soon. I want to call in to Bell or Cogeco or something to see what my options as far as high-speed internet and basic cable are, but I don't think I need the cable. I just want the internet. At least with that, I can complete everything I need to complete, and send in what I need to send in, and that way, it's sort of a win-win situation for everything. And then when I'm done completing the things I need completed, I can at least feel comfortable in the fact that I'm taking responsibility in my responsibilities and I don't feel trapped without something to go on.
I believe this might have been more of a rant than a journal post, but it gives me something to do. My hands feel better knowing that I can type on a computer about anything I really want instead of always filling out order forms for cell phones and writing down simple, down to the point sentences about what I talked about over the phone with a customer about a phone and plan and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, I like being able to do that because at least it gives me a chance to type on a computer, but I don't like it in a way because there isn't a chance to have me rant about anything and everything - except when I pull up notepad, but even then if I stumble across a good idea it doesn't let me save it, and it's not like I can write it down and take it home with me. That would just be a bad idea all in itself.
I just had a thought - journaling is kind of like talking to yourself, because the words you type are running in your head, giving you a chance to type them all down, but it seems like you're having a conversation - however immature it may be - with yourself. Except, the words end up on 'paper'. I guess that was my little rant for now.

April 29, 2011

TGIF. Or, I should be saying 'TFIFFF' (Thank Fuck it's Finally Fucking Friday). I wish I could sleep in on Sunday, but there is just so much to do that I'm afraid I won't be able to. Somedays I wish I could just sleep in, one day a week, other than Sunday. Because when I get my 3-day weekend every two weeks or so, I spend all my time sleeping in anyway, because I'm just way too exhausted to be able to do anything else but sleep. I get my paycheck today, because it is Friday. I had mistaken Wednesday for Thursday, and then Thursday for Friday, but then Thursday turned to Friday which is today, and the same day I get my paycheck. If you're still with me, then you know what I said. If you're not, who really gives a fuck. Point is, it's friday and it's payday, and that's all that really matters to me. I really, really wanted to be able to have direct diposit, and I swear I grabbed a paper for it, but I guess not. Silly me. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to suffer until tomorrow to have any real food, and then suffer another day without Vinegar for my goddamn hair. I have to revitalize it somehow. I also need a haircut really, really bad.
With all my swearing you would think I would be in a very terrible mood. Truth is, I am in a very terrible mood. I guess it's one of those 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed' things. Although I woke up on the same side of the bed that I do every morning, and every morning I wake up wishing I didn't have to get up. It's frustrating, stressful and overwhelming for my overall state of being. So I guess that leaves me with potential compliance in swearing. Stellar.
I am freezing cold in an apartment that keeps playing the same DVD intro over and over again because I haven't bothered to turn the damn thing off. I need to have the lights off and the TV playing something to be able to sleep. Otherwise, I sleep so lightly that mild rain would wake me up. Or maybe the wind moving a leaf across the porch would wake me up. Sometimes I wish if I got that from my mother.
Strange, thinking of that made me think of toilet paper and paper towel, which I need to buy to clean the countertops and bathroom tub and sink, and toilet (and that's when the toilet paper came in), which reminds me, the toilet is actually broken and the sooner he comes to fix it, the better, because I am so tired of having a cold bathroom because I have to use the door wedge to wedge it inside the toilet to keep the thing that looks like a toilet plunger afloat. I also have to buy a swiffer wet and dry to do my floors. Because it seems like the only way I am going to be able to keep this floor clean and everything is if I swiffer it. And I might have to buy a laundry basket if I am to be keeping a dog in here. And everything has to be spic and span. To be perfectly honest, I don't even want a dog. I just thought I would tell Alex that if there is no one else that would take the dog that I would have no problems in taking care of it for a while. The only reason I even said that was because if she doesn't find a place for it in three weeks time, her mom is going to put it down and I just can't see that happening. It's not fair to her or the dog or anyone else that might be attached to the dog. But I mean, my place is already small as it is, and it's not like I have anything fenced in or anything, so it's not like I can just leave the dog outside or something. So I really hope the 'ad' that she made and I posted in the lunch room gets some hits or something because it wouldn't be all that feasible to keep a dog in here. But I could keep a cat. Oh, there's an idea.
I guess the reason why I'm thinking I could keep a cat more than a dog is because, given the small area, it would be more reasonable to keep a cat around. They would have plenty of space to roam around and it will be fine. Having a black lab named Angel, who also happens to be male, in my tiny little bachelor apartment is going to be a little bit of a challenge. Especially since I lied to Alex and told her that I'm going to be reducing my hours, which I have no intentions on doing, whatsoever. I need the money, and the more money I make and the more sales I make, the more times I make bonus and the more I can cash in. Oh, there's an even better idea.
So, to anyone who's listening, I don't want Alex's dog. Please don't give me Alex's dog. I don't even want a cat. I just want more money so I can buy myself some more fancy things. Oh, and food, I like to buy myself that too.

April 28, 2011

Hey everyone,
I'm sitting in front of my window and I can already feel how rainy and crappy it is outside, just by the way I slept - which was not at all a good sleep, considering I work from 3-12, and I woke up at 8:30, and went to bed at 1:45 am. I wish I could fall back asleep, because if I could, I would be setting an alarm and going back to sleep. I am already exhausted. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Ugh. I need coffee, or some kind of wake-up remedy. But I don't feel like boiling any water or anything for coffee. Also, I don't feel like washing the pot I would have to use to boil the coffee either. Just too much work for one measly cup of coffee.
My mind also seems to be all over the place lately. I've made countless sales these last two weeks to be more than enough qualified to get bonus, and I don't work that hard just to get by and get nothing out of it. If I can make over 20 sales in two weeks time, I do believe I am already qualified to get some type of compensation. It's only fair, after all... since I do hate Rogers and all they stand for, especially since they seem to screw you completely out of your money without blinding you, they seem to do it right in front of your eyes. All of their prices are simply outrageous for the stuff you're actually getting, and the $100 credit to the account hardly pays for anything in the long run anyways. So, you get a free and the activation fee waived. That's basically charging about the same as every other company anyway for one stupid little .
Speaking of stupid little phones, I want my blackberry back, without his stupid contract. I just want the damn phone. I should have never sold it to him in the first place, that was just stupid.
Karen told me not to tell Steve about the missing charger. But she told me like 3 hours too late, when Kyle opened his big dumbass trap and told him about it. He also let it slip that I was thinking about doing a transfer of ownership. But the more I think about it, Steve's right. I would have to pay another penalty and then that looks bad on me because I was the idiot that took over someone else's dumbass contract that I did agree on. But no, I think the safest thing to do is just to keep the phone that Steve gave me, thank him by giving him a card and a $20 Tim Card, and then something else that I haven't thought of yet and just continue to keep my trap shut. By another card for my stupid dumbass phone and that will be that. Speaking of my little dumbphone, I gave it to Karen to charge last night, I hope she at least did that, I need to talk to Adrien and at least find out who else bothered to text me back for the last week or so.
It's not fair, for the last 7 days, (yep, an entire week) I have been without a phone and god knows how long I am going to last without one. I really hope Karen did charge my phone. I really want to be able to text again and I really can't wait to get a paycheck - which I believe we will be getting tomorrow. Yay, money!

April 25, 2011

Hey anonymous readers,
Looks like I'm going to have to wait a while until I can get that internet I've been hoping for. Which is alright in some way because I have a ton of other things that I should be buying before I even think of buying the internet. However, it is something that could work in my favour, especially when I think of how I could use it. Also, I think I am going to go to the mall today and look at my options as far as mobile internet or internet is concerned. Actually, that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to find out what my options are and see what I can do. Also, see what I can walk away with today without having to spend a damn dime. And then at Wal-Mart or on the way back, I can pick up a bottle of pop.
Wish me luck, readers, I think I might need it.

April 24, 2011

I'm sitting on my chair in the 'kitchen' part of my apartment and I'm waiting for my landlord to come back, he's decided to bring me a bed, which makes me happy. I really can't wait to have something like that, it will help me get a chance to sleep on something that is not the floor so I don't have to worry about further ruining my comforter and covering the other blankets in food, ashes and dirt. Which reminds me, I have to at least get one side table to be able to put a light, book or netbook there, and to have things at my reach when I need them. Also, an alarm clock. I'll need that too.
Sure the place right now, the more I put things in, the more it seems to be getting smaller and smaller but I think it's kind of like a good thing. It lets me keep track of the things I need to keep, and the things I should be getting rid of.
...
So the landlord came back and brought me a bed and another table and some other chairs that could be basically made for little people. Which is good in a sense because now this place actually looks like it could be liveable. I made a list of things I need which has now grown to two pages and that's not even counting any food. I know that I can scratch some stuff out now that I acquired a few more things. I still have to walk to the store and buy some 2L pop bottles and find a way to drink one so I can freeze it and give it to Karen so I can keep getting rides home from her. That was kind of the deal we had, so I have to fulfill it in some sense. Otherwise, I'll have to end up walking home from work and it's still not something I am prepared to do.
Now that I cleaned everything up, I don't really know what to do. There's nothing to do really, except for just hanging out and doing absolutely squat all. Fun stuff. Meh. I guess I'll just color or something. Maybe read. And then later I'll pick up a 2L for Karen. Yep, that's what I'll do.

April 12, 2011

Hey bloggers,
I know it's been a while since I wrote anything even remotely resembling a post. I haven't been online to be able to do so. I'm not even online as I'm writing this but I'm hoping by my birthday I'll be online once again.
Work has left me exhausted and my sleep patterns have been so out of balance that I didn't even know just how much life could have changed for me. It's still as hard as it's been, but it's almost like an easy change.
As for anything remotely resembling a love life, that's more complicated than ever. I have prospects, but I don't have anyone that I'm currently seeing. Every once in a while I make plans with some people, but they always end up cancelled or they just never happen. It's a little depressing, mostly because it just means that it's basically impossible for me to be able to get a date.
As for home situations, even that's a little more complicated than it should have been. Because of me getting a job, I had to sacrifice my place to live. As of yet, I have no current accomodations of my own and this couch-hopping gig is getting a little annoying. Recently, my little sister decided that she was tired of taking care of my mother. Which has left her to move out and live with her father on the other side of town. She's decided to leave at the end of the month - nothing short of a week after my birthday. It seems I will resume her duties as primary caregiver while still maintaining my job and trying to make sense of my school work.
Which kind of reminds me, since I am staying up all night because I cannot sleep anyway, I might as well say that it's been over 2 weeks since school has started and I have yet to start my course. I have to go in this morning and see if I can stay the morning to at least get a good start on the assignments before I get dropped out of the class. I need this, particularily because it's the very last high school credit I need before I can finally graduate and start college. Oh, what a fun experience that will be! Whenever I get to experience that, I suppose.
As of yet, I don't even know what I want to do in college. I don't know what my options are and I don't know what I can afford. All I do know is that I want to have all the experiences and full advantages of being a college kid. Even all the pressures. I don't mind the pressures. I want dead-lines and some structure and balance in my life.