Hopefully a happier post.

Excuse my earlier post from earlier this morning. I guess I was getting a little depressed and bitchy and had to get it out somehow.
I guess that's why I have this blog, which is turning out more to be a journal than anything else.
I'm sitting on Sarah's bed with her and she noticed I was updating my blogger. I now have another follower. That's a count for a grand total of two followers. I feel special.
Hey, at least after all these years I have a couple friends on Blogger. YAY.

*does happy dance*

I don't know. I feel happy. More like, I feel at home. Comfortable.
It's been a while since I have felt safe.

I'm also wearing blue jeans and bare feet. I bet they smell just dandy too. Looking at them, I've realized that I need a pedicure of some sorts. Or at least some toe polish. Or nail polish remover. Something. The nail polish is wearing off and it looks like I bite my toe nails. Well, bite the toe polish off.

Anyway..

I am staying at Sarah's another night. I hope my mother is alright with this.. I don't know her current conditions and I'm praying that her spirit is good, along with her day. I also hope that my younger sister, Tasha, came home from doing her laundry last night, in hopes that she could take care of her while I'm away.
I kind of needed a vacation from the stress anyway.

Her son is running around all over the place and back and forth, just a giggling away. He's so cute!

I know it's a too late for a new year's resolution but now that people can see what I'm writing, I really would like to have more positive posts. I know I have treated this blog as a journal more or less over the period of time that I've had it, but I really, truly believe that if people are going to receive my updates, I'd rather they receive more positive ones than whatever emo crap that comes out of my butt.

I'm sitting on the bed, and because I don't have a mouse pad for my mouse, and my mouse thing from my laptop doesn't work, the cursor is moving all over the place because the bed is moving. I find this a little amusing. Forgive me. I'm a little easily amused.

I've written a lot today, and I'm not quite sure why. My father sent me his address over facebook, and I really want to go see him - but with mom and her does-whatever-it-wants cancer is holding me down.
I do not blame my mother for having cancer, I blame the cancer for taking over my mother and preventing me from travelling and doing the things I love most.

I don't have many friends in my hometown. Born in Montreal, I left 3 weeks after to be raised in good old North Bay, population completely wrong on the welcome sign.
I've been here since then, and my last birthday was on April 21st, I am 19.

It's been since 2001, my mother has had Cutaneous T-Cell Lymphoma - with both branches of Mycosis Fungoides and Sezary Syndrome. According to doctors, she's the longest survivor of this particular cancer, and for that I am proud. Almost 10 years.

I want to travel so badly, but I fear if I leave this town, she will die and I will never forgive myself for not being there when I should have been. I told her a few weeks ago that I desperately wanted to speak to my father in person, and I plan on traveling those 1700 miles to do so. Her answer? "Wait until the cancer is gone."

She won't say, "Wait until I've passed away" even though she knows that her type of cancer won't just simply disappear. She's got blood cancer, in the most simpliest of explanations and it does not go away until you do.

Okay, I think that's all the typing I will do today. Mikey dumped his toy microphone in my coffee and it stopped saying: "Sing with me!" but the lights still seem to be functioning. I'm turning on my phone and I'm going to upload some pictures that have been sent to my phone, or that have been taken. Not sure whether or not I'm going to write anything more than what they contain. We will see.

Now, on to some picture posting!


-Melly.