Why is the patio table so damn high?

Hello again.
I think the whole 'put Blogger as your homepage' really helped me out. I completely forgot about the blog again, and then opening my little foxy icon it pops up, and I'm like: "Oh yeah! My blog."

I've just woken up for the day. 1:30 PM currently, although the time will change as I continue the post, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and just having finished feeding S. 

I've started reading books to him. I like that after a half-chapter, he's already falling asleep. I think that the sound of me clicking the keyboard is soothing too, because ...nevermind, he's squirming and awake.. maybe I should go make him more formula... 


Okay, now where was I? 

S is gone for his afternoon nap, and I'm taking advantage of being outside while the breeze is nice enough that the temperature doesn't feel like you're dying. The sun is barely out so it's cloudy, and even so, I'm under the umbrella. 

My aunt is yet again gone for the day. My uncle is sleeping, like usual. I think I like having this time to relax. It makes me feel better. 

I had a rough sleep. Yet again not going to bed until 4:30 AM, despite the fact that I was awake at 6 AM yesterday. I have no idea what my energy is going to be like tonight or if I'm going to have a good night's sleep. I'm starting to understand that everyday changes and this routine I thought I had is so null and void. I'm trying to keep a schedule, really trying. S has a schedule/routine now, but I'm scrambling to complete housework and my daily duties. Seems like there's never enough time in the day to do anything. Except today. I've already done all my duties/housework, and I've only been awake for 3 hours. 

Early in the morning this morning, I think I told my uncle to F off. I don't know if I dreamed it or if it actually happened. But I remember him hovering over S's crib, and then when I looked again, he wasn't there. I'll have to ask him if that actually happened, and if it did, I'll have to apologize because I don't want him to think that I'm a terrible person in the morning. 

Speaking of mornings, sometimes I like them and sometimes I don't. It all depends on what my sleep that night was like. Because I didn't fall asleep until 4:30 AM and he must have been in there around 7:30 AM, I understand my foul mood. But I keep thinking is what if S was awake and walking towards my bed and he was trying to get my attention and I told him to F off. Just thinking about it kills me. 

I remember feeling that once I said it, I regretted it. I felt like absolute shit. I'm never in a foul mood when S wakes me up in the middle of the night, and no one is up to hear about it. But as soon as Uncle D comes in my room just to check up on S, I tell him to F off? Gah - if he remembers me telling him that, I'm sure I'm in for one hell of a lecture. Here's hoping his memory fails him today. No - I have to bring it up. It's only fair that I apologize to him for being an absolute idiot while I'm sure I was still asleep, because it sure didn't feel like I was awake and aware of what was coming out of my mouth. 

I hate that. I hate that I talk in my sleep. And more so, I hate that I'm saying profanities in my sleep. What kind of mother does that make me? What kind of person does that make me? 

I wish that this chair didn't recline so much. For a metal/steel/some kind of hard material chair, you'd think that it wasn't so reclined. I want to be able to type, and the table goes up to my chest, and the chair's all reclined, makes for a very uncomfortable position. I feel like I'm a short person trying to sit at a kitchen table. It's a really high table. It's like I live with a bunch of giants - but my aunt is like 3 cm's shorter than I am, and my uncle is slightly taller, but not by much. Why is the patio table so damn high?