Saturday, September 4th.

Dear Blogger friends,

I haven't forgotten about you. I blame my internet connection for every time I went outside to update this, it hasn't wanted to connect. I think it's because I have some neighbors who have found out about my little plan these last few months. I have plenty to tell you though!
I have moved! Yes, everyone, I found a little place for myself. It's only a room for now, but in January, or late December, I move into the downstairs apartment, which is a 3-bedroom apartment with whoever else decides to move there too. Mostly college kids, really. But that doesn't bother me. My own private entrance, living room and kitchen, which I will be using anyway, while I live upstairs for the first few months. (I am writing this on Saturday, but my move in date is on Monday, at 9 am.) Nine freakin' AM! I told my landlord, for she is mine, after I paid rent on thursday, that 9 am is the perfect time, but really, it's so freakin' early.. especially when I'll have to wake up at 7 to be able to make sure I have everything packed..

I'm excited to move in, don't get me wrong. Things are finally working for me, and all because I decided to screw anyone who tried to tell me that things are hard. I started to take things into my own hands, and guess what that got me! A place to live, a job, which will eventually make me into a business representative, and another prospective full-time job, earning major bucks. The catch? For there is always one, I must study for the exam to get my business licence. But, since I love to study, and as my landlord said, if I am good to study a few hours a night for the next few weeks, I should be able to easily pass this exam.

Also..

I have to write this poem for a friend, but they never gave me a subject. I could write about car transmissions if I desired. He said to write it about him, but how could I write it? With my writer's block and slight depression and anxiety, it's becoming increasingly difficult to do anything these days, like remembering simple tasks, like going from point A to point B. Oh, how I loathe these days.

I have been working on this for a while now, and I believe it's complete. Yes, it's small and it gets to the point, trust me. It's about letting go of the one you fell for, knowing that you'll love them for the rest of your life, with all the imperfections between the two of you. Yet, knowing that it wouldn't work out without one of them leaving some place that they've known all their life. It pains me to say these words, because he is one of the only people who got to see me as I was, my heart open and rare for him to do as he pleases with. I felt loved, truly loved, when he held me against him at night, his hands in mine, his legs wrapped around me securely. Nothing more than sweet innocence.


It started long ago on a hot summer day,
Thoughts of you never seemed to go away
Since then years have passed
Yet every time I see you my heart beats fast
Now that you've gone away
Something inside me wishes you stayed
For there are a thousand things I miss
And among them I have a small list
I miss your smile and the way you say my name
I miss your late night calls and the way you drive me insane
I miss your habits and the strange way you sleep
I miss your secrets and those of mine you keep
You dared me to leave this place behind
Take a bag and meet you on the other side
I agreed then something stops me
My strength inside is weak don't you see
So I'll suck it up and leave those feelings behind
Keep the flow even though I love you so
And with one last line, I'll let you go.


[Note: The person that this relates to stopped talking to me today, and won't be talking to me for a very long time. I cried.]