I've been awake since 6 AM. I haven't been awake at that time and felt well-rested in a long time. S is still sleeping away the morning like him and I usually do, which has been the normality for a long time until last night I finally decided to go to bed at a decent hour. S usually lays down for bed between 10:30-11, and I was sleeping by 12 AM. It's been a while since I had six hours of uninterrupted sleep. I have to say that I'm glad I went to bed early. I think I'll keep this a habit. It will benefit both me and S. I'll be able to be awake and in a better mood, and a better mother for him.
Looks like the rest of the house is slowly waking up. My aunt and uncle usually sleep well into the afternoon, so most of the mornings I take advantage of sleeping in with S too. However, unlike most mornings, I'm awake and calm and feeling a little better emotionally than I have in a while.
Don't get me wrong. I'm usually a pretty optimistic person - but over the last couple of months my life has been drastically changing, and I'll admit, for the better. I had the chance that many are denied in life - birthing a child. Although it wasn't naturally, which I'm somewhat glad for, I still am able to produce a child. It may not have been in the right circumstances, but life sometimes takes interesting turns and S has changed my life for the better.
S is a remarkable human being. Still so small, he's already taught me so many things. Seeing the world through his eyes I understand what it's like to be full of life. He's a strong, timid yet curious and stubborn little fellow, and I love him. I can honestly say that I didn't know what unconditional love was until he came around.
Every day is a new day full of love and possibilities. I'm enjoying reading to him at night and in the early mornings, and showing him new things. I'm also enjoying the moments when he shows me just how much he's already learned. And let me tell you, he's already learned so much.
In the last couple of days, he's learned to track people. Basically, when someone talks, or moves or something falls, he follows the movement & conversation with his eyes. He wiggles and kicks and punches the air a lot. He's discovered his hands, and likes to self-soothe and eat his fists. Although, he hasn't quite grasped just yet that he can't stuff his entire fist in his mouth - which, as a mother, I'm thankful.
He likes to shuffle his entire body towards things - but only if he desperately wants them. I was in a mommy and me class, and he wiggled towards a stuffed sheep so hard and eagerly, just to stuff the little mini stuffed sheep in his mouth like Kirby.
It was the cutest thing in the world! I'm very lucky to have a child like S. He's a happy baby; an easy baby like most people say. He doesn't cry all day, everyday. He fusses for maybe a half hour every once in a while during the day and he's started to sleep his nights. For a small baby, he has a big appetite. During the day, he cries to tell me he's hungry approximately every three hours, and during feedings, he usually takes in between 4-6 oz. And that's a lot for an almost two month old! Can you believe he's going to be two months on July 25? I can't. Now I understand when mothers say: "It feels like just yesterday I gave birth to you.."
S is the center of my world, as he should be. I'm learning to leave the little negativities in my head tucked away where their voices cannot be heard, and really enjoy the little things in life that make life so damn complete. I know - my life is not complete, according to social standards. I'm not married, I don't have a boyfriend or a house of my own. Most people would consider myself being pretty stupid for having a son so early, and not being in the perfect cookie-cutter picture perfect family setting. But who cares? I'm living my life the way I'm meant to live it and for the time being, I'm happy doing so.
Okay - so I'm not really enjoying living with my aunt and uncle. And life gets chaotic all living under the same roof. Especially when my aunt's son comes over (he always brings at least one friend with him). The dishes never seem to be clean, the house becomes a huge mess and both me and my aunt aren't happy when the house is dirty. It leaves both of us stressed and makes us feel like no matter how much we do something, it still looks like we haven't even put in the effort. I guess that's just another part of being a mother & housewife.
To be honest, the house is quiet except for my son's little peeps I hear in the baby monitor, and the TV upstairs and my snoring uncle. Both of them have gone back to sleep and I feel okay with knowing that the house is as peaceful as it's going to get.
I'm sitting in the kitchen, typing away. I'm noticing just how much the kitchen really needs to be cleaned. I feel awful not cleaning it, but I have to wait until at least 11 until I can actually make some noise and clean it. At least then it looks like I started something (noisy or not noisy) at a decent hour. Honestly, I wanted to clean the kitchen and vacuum at 6 AM this morning when I woke up. I was that well-rested. But, I don't think the other members of the house would really appreciate it.. and plus - the vacuum is completely broken. With two dogs, one of which I'm fairly certain I'm allergic to, having a broken vacuum simply cannot do. It's been two weeks since it broke and I'm not a happy camper.
I'm typing a lot more than I usually have. I guess it's because I'm finally not distracted by anything. Sure, my ideas and opinions have been jumping from what seems to be thin air, but I don't have someone talking in the background or yelling, or someone to tell me to go get this and go get that. I don't have any of that. I have the birds singing from the open window and the soft hum of the baby monitor and every once in a while, emitting from such monitor, S is farting and snoring. What a guy.
I have to say, lately I have been drinking a lot of Chai Tea. No idea why. Maybe because I like having the taste of sweet spices (I put two sugars in, bad girl). Maybe because I'm just not in the mood for coffee. Or regular tea. Or Earl Grey. I really don't know.
S is starting to wake up. I hear his rising in volume grunts. I must make him a bottle soon - I suppose he's hungry. After all, it has been about 3 hours since he last finished his early morning bottle.
I suppose this is enough for now. I think it's time to get back to reality. I'll write more soon. I know I promise a lot to keep writing religiously, but most of the time I forget I even have this blog. Maybe I should just make Blogger my homepage. That way, I'll see it every time I log on and it will possibly coax me into writing more.
Until then,
Southpaw Gypsy
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