2012 is nearing it's end..

It's been a while since I wrote.. again.
But I feel the need to say a few things since only one person I actually know reads this, and then there's probably about a million faceless people that have been in tune with what I've been writing too.

I moved to a new small town in September and I have had many different experiences and met a few people that, truth be told, I wouldn't trust around my garbage.

I have been in a relationship I knew I would regret, but in a sense, now that I really look at it.. I don't regret it at all.

It's made me look at myself and my life in a whole new light. To him, all I have to say is "I look so good without you".

To my annoying neighbours, "I'd rather have haters say shit to my face than you fake ass bitches who talk behind my back."

To the 17-year-old girl that reminds me so much of me at that age. "Be careful, sweetie. There are people in this world that would love to see you fall. When you do, rise back up and show them who's better. But don't inflate your ego. And I know that awful excuse for a person used you and your feelings, but trust me, there is always people in this world that will always love you for you, and surrounding yourself with those people is the best thing you could do. Chin up, it's not over yet."

I died my hair, started doing my makeup and I see myself in a whole new light. I feel beautiful. I mean, somedays I still have my days.. we all know this. And I'll freak out and treat this more like an awful little journal again, and I'll regret writing certain things.. but now that 2012 is almost at it's end again.. I feel different.

There are so many things that have happened this year and I wouldn't change a single moment of those things because the more obstacles I'm faced with, the stronger my outcome is.

Yes, I still feel weak and vulnerable. Yes, I still have meltdowns. Yes, my shaking comes back a lot. Yes, I've been having a lot of anxiety attacks. Yes, I don't let anyone know about those things.

I don't tell anyone because I'm afraid I'll lose the one thing that keeps me smiling everyday, the one thing that makes my heart sing with love even on the days when I feel like my whole world is breaking. My son.

He keeps me going. He's the reason why I have refused to give up on myself, and on my little family. He's the reason why I have figured a lot of stuff out and he's the reason why I am bettering myself everyday - he deserves to see a beautiful, wonderful mother and role model. And I deserve to be that for him.

As usual, my post didn't come out the way I thought it would, but I hope you get the point. I know my awful posts aren't behind me, but I hope you'll continue to read my journey, and I hope that you'll be able to see it all unfold, day by day.

P.S: To my loyal reader, I still read that blog. Every day, I check to see if there's something new - and to re-read old posts. I hope you'll keep it open. And to whoever it is that inspires you.. she's a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful, imaginative person like you around.

As always,

Southpaw Gypsy

I can't handle these nosy neighbors. Especially the one beside me who leaves her door open and never bothers to keep her nose out of anything. I'm so furious right now. Trying to tell me how to raise my son and that he should be quiet. He cries every 3 hours. He gets hungry. HE IS SIX MONTHS OLD. Oh my fuck.